I’ve rather grown to like it here

Can’t believe I would ever say that about Fort Riley, but it’s true, I have rather grown to like it here.  It’s a far cry from what I was saying a year ago, and the copious amount of tears and disagreements my husband and I had about the kids and me moving here are gone now.  I did not want to leave Washington because it was what I knew for the last 13 years.

But despite my not wanting to leave Washington, I was not that happy there.  I was very lonely and had less than a handful of friends.  I was not involved with anything, and was a stay at home mom for the whole time we lived there.  I knew people yes, but we weren’t close.  I longed for friends that I could hang out with all the time, more than the few that I had.

I feel  that coming to Fort Riley has made me blossom in ways I never expected.  Not two months after we arrived, I took over our FRG as FRG Leader, and I LOVE it.  I really do.  It keeps me busy, and though we’ve had our share of FRG issues, I still really enjoy my job as FRG leader.  I’ve never felt that way before.  It makes me feel important, when before I did not.  I’m not trying sound pompous, but when you feel like you have no purpose before, this is a refreshing change.

I also started volunteering at the USO around the same time I became FRG leader.  While I have not worked there nearly close to what I’ve done as FRG leader, I still find it very fulfilling.  I get to be social with others, get out of the house, meet new people. Yesterday another lady and I manned the USO booth at the conference center during a welcome for new soldiers.  I couldn’t tell you how many new soldiers came up to our table, and I got to tell them all about our USO center, and it felt great!  I’m managing the USO twitter account, and I am also going to be working on the website as well as soon as it’s up and running properly.

I’ve met countless wonderful women, and let me tell you, it is a heartwarming feeling when you’re walking down the street and someone you know waves at you.  When you call your kids’ middle school and they recognize who you are (because you have three kids there and seem to be there all the time, and calling about certain things all the time, lol), you feel like you are noticed.  I have a few friends here, and I know many more women too.  Today I am going out for lunch with one of the ladies in my FRG and I’m really looking forward to it.

Getting out and being active in the community has helped me blossom more than I realize.  At the conference center yesterday, I ran into at least four women I knew.  I don’t know if I can really explain how I feel this gives me some purpose.  The USO and being FRG leader have REALLY helped me.  I feel being thrown into this Army life has forced me to become more active in the community.

I thought to myself the other day that I am nervous to move back to Washington when my husband retires.  I will be honest, I am afraid that I will become a hermit again.  We don’t know how many years it will be till we are back in our home, but I do plan to volunteer at the USO as long as I am able, and I’ll probably get a job too.  I still struggle here with feeling lonely, but I am getting better with it every day.  I think I need to put myself out there more often and perhaps not be so afraid of rejection.

I miss Washington so much, but I actually am quite happy here in Kansas.  And I am REALLY looking forward to a visit home this Christmas…here we come Seattle and Vancouver! In 10.5 months. 😉

The Trouble With Being The New Kid and Making Friends

Jealousy…

I struggle with it a lot, and I try not to let it show outwardly, but I will admit it is one of my worst qualities.  Jealously, longing, wishful thinking, whatever you want to call it…it’s a problem I have dealt with even more so now that we are here in Kansas.

It’s because I’m the new kid here.  Not technically, but I’ve only been here 2.5 months and I’m having a hard time making friends.  When I see women with really close bonds of friendship, jealousy rears it’s fugly head inside my brain and makes me miserable.  I’ve always had an extremely hard time making close friends, and I’ve always been upset about that too. When I was a child, I never had many friends at all…and never have I had the privelege to call someone my “bestie”, save for my two husbands.

I made a point to meet some women before I came here, via Facebook, and I have bonded with them quite well. I randomly met another mom while walking our kids to school who are in the same class.  I joined choir and met a few ladies there too, and also started volunteering at the USO and have bonded with another lovely lady there.  But I don’t have a “bff”.  I have literally thrown myself into activities here to keep busy…the Spouses Club, USO Volunteering, taking over our FRG as an FRG Leader, Choir.  I’m all tapped out.  I’m hoping that somewhere in the mix my elusive  bff will make herself known to me.

It’s not that I don’t know people…that is not a problem at all.  Because I am so involved, I run into people all the time.  We’re randomly connected.  A great example is that our BDE Col and his wife are in our Company, and she is also part of the spouses club and our BDE FRG Advisor, so I have seen her at several events (Not like I can be personal friends with her, but she is quite nice and we are friendly).  The Spouses Club President taught my FRG Class today.  I see people at the Commissary, or at the Grade 7 Girls Basketball meeting that I attended tonight.  One of my choir friends and I both volunteer at the USO as well.

I wish that we had couple friends too.  The problem with marrying a loner is that it’s hard to get him comfortable in a group setting with lots of other people.  I actually married two men like that!  What was I thinking? lol I am making more of an effort for us to have couple friends, and I will probably invite a couple over for dinner next weekend as long as we aren’t super busy.

I never know when my husband is going to be gone for long periods of time (it’s 9:22 PM and he’s still at work), or if a deployment is on the horizon, so I just want my sister wife to waltz into my life!

Where are you?

Hey, Remember Me?

Well, dare I say it, we have finally settled into somewhat of a routine here in Kansas.  Hard to believe we have been here for a month already!

It’s hot, humid, and different.  But I don’t mind it that much, and having some awesome friends has really helped with the transition.

Sometime earlier this year, I joined a few Fort Riley face book pages and got to know a few select women, just so I wouldn’t feel too much like a fish out of water once we got here.  I am so glad I did because I am not as lonely as I feared I would be.  Leaving home was a big step for me, like I wrote about many times, and I was scared for change, but I was also anxious to leave because I needed friends.  My one really awesomely good friend left last year to move to another state, and the couple of friends I thought I had completely disappeared from my life a few months before we moved.  Disappeared so much that they didn’t even come to see me off or make ANY attempts to say goodbye to me, even though they were given many opportunities.  At the risk of sounding like a sad sack, I am still dealing with a lot of hurt over that, and it has been tough for me in that aspect as I felt like they didn’t care enough to say goodbye.

The morning that we left Washington, my middle daughter’s best friend’s mom was the only one who made me cry…that was so hard.  Seeing all the kids cry (minus the boy) as they said goodbye to their best friend was heartbreaking.  Leaving our house was equally hard, and hearing afterwards that all our new neighbors hate the new tenants was even worse because it made me feel helpless and worried about the state of my home.

Moving on…

The house is great! I like a lot of things about it more than our old house, but I’d give anything to have my kitchen back, and a little extra space…just a little would be great (we gave up 250 sq feet moving here).  I love having the laundry room upstairs, and a new washer and dryer (that we bought a few months ago) too, and I love not having to worry about yard work, as that is all taken care of by the housing office here on post. I don’t love having to walk in the heat to get my daughter from school, but the exercise is good for me. I love having my husband home for dinner every night, and being able to sleep in the same bed as him, as well as making his lunch most days and seeing him in the morning after PT.  I am still getting used to having to cook a solid meal every single night, haha. I love that I randomly made another new friend just by walking to and from school, and look forward to talking with her every day! I don’t like that all my neighbors keep to themselves, and that my next door neighbor has two yappy little dogs that we all hate.  I love seeing my dogs try to catch toads on our back porch every night, it always makes us laugh, and I love the awesome storms and sunrises we get.  I do not love the hot humid heat. I miss my cat Hades so much that it’s even hard to see pictures of him that my sister sends, and I can’t wait to have him back in our house again when we move back to WA.  I jumped out of my comfort zone by a mile and joined the spouses choir here, and we are performing at the fall festival, but I am nervous as heck! I know we will do great, but I’m SCARED I will screw up or not be good enough. Lastly, and again, I am thankful for my friends here who have really helped me transition and welcomed me with open arms!

I want to get started on my New York posts, and I haven’t even been able to go through all of my pictures yet from our honeymoon. I will do my first NYC post next week, after the Labor Day holiday 🙂  After that is summed up, I will be able to share all about our July and our road trip here!  We had a great drive here, and saw some really amazing sites and made some wonderful memories.  Summer 2013 has been a few months of adventure for sure!