Biggest Loser Fail

I’ve “unofficially” dropped out of the Biggest Loser’s challenge.

Please don’t be disappointed in me, it’s what I had to do to not get completely crazy and discouraged with myself.  I did AWESOME the first month, and then it all went downhill after that.  I really don’t even know my total weight lost, because I didn’t weigh in on my own scale when I first started.  The challenge is over next week, but my weight has gone up the last few weeks, so I know the win is not mine anyway due to the numbers I saw last week.

The last few weeks I haven’t been able to keep up, and then combine that with a 25 day cycle…well, you can imagine the disaster that is brewing there.  When Aunt Flo and her cousin PMS come to visit, I can kiss weight loss goodbye. In fact, I can see the scale moving up before I even step on it.  And it takes me forever to get it off again.  I consistently have 1 week of PMS, then 1 week of period related bullshit where I am trying to get the weight off.  Of course, there is the rare occasion that I do lose during that time period, but those 10 -14 days, I am usually super super hungry and want to eat everything in sight…not to mention chocolate.  Mr eHarmony tells me to resist, but I tell him he doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  He really doesn’t get how hard it is to be a woman and have these intense cravings that you can’t control.  I can control what goes in my mouth, but I can’t control why I get them.  And let’s face it, sometimes I really can’t control what goes in my mouth…my hands have a mind of their own I think haha.

I know I screwed up when my sister was here.  I slacked off on the exercise and the eating, and that is what started this downward spiral.  And I’ve learned that I can’t do that.  I did it to myself, I know that.  And I definitely learned my lesson.  I can’t repeat that one for sure.

I am not so sure that being in a weight loss challenge is the right thing for me.  In many ways it motivates me to keep going, and not eat past 7 etc.  But it also discourages me because if I don’t do well, I want to give up.  I HATE competition with a passion, and though you might think it would drive me to do even better, to beat all those other ladies, it just drags me down because I see it as a failure.  Because I see that as an indicator that I can’t do as well as they can.  And that in itself is a vicious cycle….I try hard, I fail, I feel like shit because I can’t do as well, and then I want to give up.  I do NOT like feeling that way.

Another reason for my discouragement is the scale.  The evil scale.  I do NOT believe that the scale should be a measurement for weight loss at all.  You know what the funny thing is though? I have lost inches and toned up since I joined the challenge.  I went hiking 6 miles on Sunday, a pretty intense hike in some places, and up and down both ways.  My legs didn’t hurt at all the next day.  I recovered like a champ.  And this hike was way more intense than the first one two weeks ago.  I couldn’t have done that two months ago.  Mr eHarmony has noticed more shape in my body. My thighs are smaller, my booty is rounder, and my stomach is smaller.  But I didn’t lose much weight at all, I just gained muscle and toned up.  I believe that measurements, and how your clothes fit should be an indicator in your weight loss, not the scale. A scale does not accurately take into account how much muscle mass you have (well, unless you have a fancy really expensive one like my trainer), how dense your bones are etc.  All it does is weigh you.  Can you see why I am so discouraged now? I am a tall, thick woman. I am 5’9″ and carry my weight quite well, but I come from heavy stock. I did not inherit my mom’s slight build, I got the thick thighs and heavy bones from my dad.

I still believe I can make my goal of two pant sizes smaller before the end of the year, I just need to push myself.  I don’t want to weigh myself much anymore.  I just need to get my diet under control even more.

This is my challenge to myself…no more chocolate till we go to Canada in a month. Chocolate is my downfall, not just candy.  I can hear my blood singing for chocolate some days, and it pulls me towards it like a siren’s call. So, no more chocolate.  I’m also going to try to cut out milk again.  I don’t normally drink milk, but I’ve gotten into the habit this past week of having cereal, and I’m going to stop that.

No more chocolate.


Don’t Eat That, Fatty!

I know I’ve been absent lately, and I apologize for that, but the writing bug has not been around for quite some time.  I felt that I had nothing interesting to say, but from now on I am going to make it a goal to write at least ONE post a week.  Thanks so much to a reader for commenting today, and asking me about my Biggest Losers Challenge.

So you all want an update? Well last week I was in third place.  Third out of 35 women! I was at 4.07% lost in two weeks. That’s pretty damn awesome, eh? Well, this week I am doing crappy, crappity crappity shitty sucky sucking.

I think I’ve lost about 11lbs total, but that’s not all fat.  And actually, less than 11lbs now because I gained 1.4lbs this week due to those wonderous bitches, Aunt Flo and her friend, PMS.  When I was first weighed in on a different scale, I was fully dressed and had just eaten a foot long sub at Subway (healthy, mind you).  But I weigh myself naked every morning after I get out of bed, and then throw on some clothes for my Biggest Loser weigh-in.  I’m always heavier with clothes, but always lighter on my own scale because I haven’t eaten anything.

My only saving grace has been my exercise, which has been quite consistent, and the fact that I *usually* don’t eat past 7PM if I can help it.  I work out with my trainer three times a week for a half hour, and do cardio 4-5 days a week (i’m trying to make it a consistent 5). But my diet? Wow, you’d think i was eating like I was just getting back from the real Biggest Loser, and stuffing my face full of ever calorie laden, salty, chocolatey savory food item I can stuff in my mouth as a result of deprivation.  Ok, maybe not that bad, but it has been full of junk food and not stuff I need to be eating at all.

I know that if I could get a handle on my eating, I’d do awesome, and soar to the top, but for some reason my stomach has more power than that little voice in my head saying “Don’t eat that, fatty!”.

I DO know HOW to eat well, but I can’t seem to have a good balance with good vs bad food.  I do usually eat plenty of produce, grape tomoatoes, spinach, sugar snap peas, carrots, berries etc.  And love eating raw almonds, cheese sticks, and homemade smoothies. I usually eat dinner with my kids, but in a smaller portion.  Really, my “normal” diet is fine, I just eat too much junk food.

Mr eHarmony, the kids, and I are going to visit The Great White North, aka my homeland of British Columbia, Canada, in May, so I figured I should do better so I can be an even hotter momma for that trip.  For you see, he and I have an ingenious plan, and that includes pawning off the kids each of the three nights we are there.  I have very willing relatives who love to have them, so I am very eagerly handing over the reins for those nights (we’ll still see the kids during the day).  Anyway, my point is, one of those nights I want myself and Mr eHarmony to go out for a nice dinner, and I want to wear a cute dress too.  The biggest loser challenge will be over by then, but I want to keep at it and do better, so that my man can have a hottie on his arm in May.

That’s the three-week update for the Biggest Loser.  My diet is 50% suckage, 50% good. I am determined to do much better next week though, so I have six more days to make it up.

Needs more cardio and less sugar!



What Do You Eat?

The Biggest Loser group I’m in officially started yesterday, so today begins the day I eat healthier.  I’ve been trying to do that for the last couple weeks, and have lost about 5lbs already, but I’m on the road to losing a lot more.  As much as I can actually, in the next 8 weeks.  May 8th is the final weigh-in, so I’m hoping to lose a good portion by then.

Here’s the thing though, I don’t want to go on some crash diet, I want to lose the weight sensibly by eating right and exercising.  I already do OK with my exercise; I have a personal trainer come three days a week and we work out for a half hour.  I try to fit cardio in as much as I can, but let’s face it; I despise cardio.  Cardio is something I have to push and push and PUSH myself to get done.  I get cardio in usually 3 days a week after my trainer leaves, and I know I can do much better.  My goal is to do it 5 days a week, and then if weather permits, go for a long walk with Mr eHarmony and the kids on Saturday or Sunday afternoons.  Plus we will also be starting hiking next month, so I am looking forward to that.

My conundrum and confusion lies in my “diet”.  What do I eat? How often do I eat? Do I eat like a caveman or do I eat like a vegetarian? Do I do mostly fruits and veggies, or do I eat a high protein low sugar diet?

My friend and neighbor lost about 70lbs last year on a high protein, low sugar diet, and has kept it off for almost a year.  And you know what? She looks FABULOUS! She started off then at the same size I am right now, and she lost that in about 6-7 months I think.  Then I have a twitter friend, Dr Ghaheri, who swears by the Paleo way of eating, and has expressed his love of Bacon all over twitter.  My trainer wants me to eat lots of colorful food, and make sure half my plate is colorful veggies like greens, tomatoes, yams…that sort of thing.  And Mr eHarmony says I should follow the food pyramid, but I’m not so sure I agree with him on that one (sorry dear!), because I personally think he needs a bit more protein in his diet to maintain that beefcake body he has.

So what do you choose? What do YOU eat? I’m leaning towards a LOT less sugar, more protein and lots of veggies.  I eat some fruit, but try to eat more veggies.  Berries are a favorite of mine, and I love to make a smoothie with greek yogurt, frozen berries and spinach (and a dash of berry naked juice/smoothie to add some liquid to the mix).  I eat spinach almost every day, and tomatoes too, as well as raw almonds, and a colby-jack cheese stick.  I am on a fixed income though, and my grocery budget does not allow for me to change my diet too much from that of my kids, so I will have to just eat what they are eating and eat less of it.  Last night I made pork chops, broccoli and my version of Pioneer Woman’s crash hot potatoes.  I only had one plate, ate a lot of broccoli, and was satisfied.  Tonight I am making Ziti, which is a family favorite, and I will serve it with a green salad…no iceberg lettuce for us, I only buy spinach.