I struggle with it a lot, and I try not to let it show outwardly, but I will admit it is one of my worst qualities. Jealously, longing, wishful thinking, whatever you want to call it…it’s a problem I have dealt with even more so now that we are here in Kansas.
It’s because I’m the new kid here. Not technically, but I’ve only been here 2.5 months and I’m having a hard time making friends. When I see women with really close bonds of friendship, jealousy rears it’s fugly head inside my brain and makes me miserable. I’ve always had an extremely hard time making close friends, and I’ve always been upset about that too. When I was a child, I never had many friends at all…and never have I had the privelege to call someone my “bestie”, save for my two husbands.
I made a point to meet some women before I came here, via Facebook, and I have bonded with them quite well. I randomly met another mom while walking our kids to school who are in the same class. I joined choir and met a few ladies there too, and also started volunteering at the USO and have bonded with another lovely lady there. But I don’t have a “bff”. I have literally thrown myself into activities here to keep busy…the Spouses Club, USO Volunteering, taking over our FRG as an FRG Leader, Choir. I’m all tapped out. I’m hoping that somewhere in the mix my elusive bff will make herself known to me.
It’s not that I don’t know people…that is not a problem at all. Because I am so involved, I run into people all the time. We’re randomly connected. A great example is that our BDE Col and his wife are in our Company, and she is also part of the spouses club and our BDE FRG Advisor, so I have seen her at several events (Not like I can be personal friends with her, but she is quite nice and we are friendly). The Spouses Club President taught my FRG Class today. I see people at the Commissary, or at the Grade 7 Girls Basketball meeting that I attended tonight. One of my choir friends and I both volunteer at the USO as well.
I wish that we had couple friends too. The problem with marrying a loner is that it’s hard to get him comfortable in a group setting with lots of other people. I actually married two men like that! What was I thinking? lol I am making more of an effort for us to have couple friends, and I will probably invite a couple over for dinner next weekend as long as we aren’t super busy.
I never know when my husband is going to be gone for long periods of time (it’s 9:22 PM and he’s still at work), or if a deployment is on the horizon, so I just want my sister wife to waltz into my life!
Where are you?