I’m sure every mother feels this way at one point in her life, and it hit me today….I feel like an awful mother.
I read this article today and my heart sank.
I yell too much, I’m not patient at all, and I’ve never loved kids all that much, which probably leads to my lack of patience. Granted, I love my own children, but I don’t care much for other people’s kids at all except for a few of my friends’ kids….the other ones are all little brats to me. My sister once told me she was surprised I even had kids! And now I have four.
I think though, that my lack of patience is really what makes me feel like an awful mother. That, combined with the fact that my 11-year-old daughter is VERY aware of everything and always asking me questions and talking ad nauseum, makes me snap a bit more often than I like.
I’m an only parent, and the type of parent that needs time to decompress and be alone. It is REALLY hard being mommy and daddy 24/7, and it takes a big toll on me. I wish I was nicer, I wish I wasn’t so strict, I wish I didn’t yell so much, I wish I was more patient, I wish I didn’t tell my kids to shut-up sometimes when they’re fighting and I’m yelling at them. I wish I didn’t tell them to leave me alone. I wish I hugged them more often. I wish that I was more caring sometimes. I wish I was more patient.
I worry that how I act now will leave them with a sour taste in their mouths and they will resent me for it years down the road.
How do you get over this? How do I become the mom I want to be, and the one my kids want? I really am a huge bitch, and while I know that we as mothers are our own worst critics, I hate the way I act when I am tired or stressed out, or want to be alone, or when I just wish the kids would STOP being disobedient and just listen to me.
I wish I could take back the last three years where I feel it has been this way, ever since he died. I hope the kids don’t hold it against me when they get older. I don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to be remembered as a mean mommy.
Excuse me while I go cry into my oatmeal now.