I Feel Like A Horrible Mother

I’m sure every mother feels this way at one point in her life, and it hit me today….I feel like an awful mother.

I read this article today and my heart sank.

I yell too much, I’m not patient at all, and I’ve never loved kids all that much, which probably leads to my lack of patience.  Granted, I love my own children, but I don’t care much for other people’s kids at all except for a few of my friends’ kids….the other ones are all little brats to me.  My sister once told me she was surprised I even had kids!  And now I have four.

I think though, that my lack of patience is really what makes me feel like an awful mother.  That, combined with the fact that my 11-year-old daughter is VERY aware of everything and always asking me questions and talking ad nauseum, makes me snap a bit more often than I like.

I’m an only parent, and the type of parent that needs time to decompress and be alone.  It is REALLY hard being mommy and daddy 24/7, and it takes a big toll on me.  I wish I was nicer, I wish I wasn’t so strict, I wish I didn’t yell so much, I wish I was more patient, I wish I didn’t tell my kids to shut-up sometimes when they’re fighting and I’m yelling at them.  I wish I didn’t tell them to leave me alone.  I wish I hugged them more often.  I wish that I was more caring sometimes. I wish I was more patient.

I worry that how I act now will leave them with a sour taste in their mouths and they will resent me for it years down the road.

How do you get over this? How do I become the mom I want to be, and the one my kids want? I really am a huge bitch, and while I know that we as mothers are our own worst critics, I hate the way I act when I am tired or stressed out, or want to be alone, or when I just wish the kids would STOP being disobedient and just listen to me.

I wish I could take back the last three years where I feel it has been this way, ever since he died.  I hope the kids don’t hold it against me when they get older.  I don’t want to be this way.  I don’t want to be remembered as a mean mommy.

Excuse me while I go cry into my oatmeal now.

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2 thoughts on “I Feel Like A Horrible Mother

  1. It’s hard… You have to go through this while having huge responsibilities. It’s normal you lose control sooner than you wish. Giving ourselves some leisure time may help de-stress and make our moods better 🙂 take care of yourself before you can be sweet and nice to your children. All the best!

  2. Dear Joanna, all moms yell at their kids. All moms have bad days. All kids fight!! I know you’re alone in this but your kids will ALWAYS love you. When they are older they will be your best friends and always remember what you did for them. You are doing a fantastic job with them honey!! I cry for you and with you!! Sending you hugs and hoping tomorrow will be a little better day. Love you!! Aunt Nancy

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