After going through a very stressful January, health-wise and emotional-wise, I came into February realizing that I’m lonely. And that I have an uncanny knack of being able to smile when inside I’m falling apart. I hide it extremely well with people that don’t know me well. And that I sometimes have problems reaching out to people. Or maybe I really don’t have problems reaching out, it’s that my efforts go unnoticed. I tried a couple of times last month, only to fail miserably.
I need a female best friend. One who will just hang out with me on a friday night and watch a girly movie, or talk on the phone about nothing. One who I can have lunch with, and who’s house feels like mine and vice versa. One who will listen to me bitch, and moan and complain about how my kids aren’t being cooperative, and who wont care that my house is messy. One who will call me just because. One who will know when I just need to cry sometimes because I’m overwhelmed with life, or in the anger stage of my grief. One who wont care that my face is breaking out like a teenage boy’s because I’m about to have my period. One who I can go shopping with, and tell everything too. And someone who might just want to come on my morning walks with me and Athena (my 2-year-old yellow lab). And vice versa.
I’ve never had a female best friend. It seems all too elusive, and impossible to find. Mr eHarmony is my best friend, and I love him like crazy, but I want a female best friend too. I have felt like I’ve had to make so much of an effort to even ask my female friends to get together, and when we do, it rarely happens again.
Everyone is so engrossed in their own lives that they often times fail to see other people around them, and that they need friends. I know I can’t be the only woman who feels that way, but I do feel more isolated than most because I am a widow. This post was so hard for me to write, because it’s something I have been feeling for a long time, and admitting it to everyone I know is embarrassing. This will post to my Facebook, and my twitter account as well, and everyone will know I’m a sad lonely woman. Ugh. But maybe admitting the issue, and realizing it, will be the solution to the problem?
So, who wants to be my best friend?