The Most Disgusting Thing I Have Ever Done

Sometime in the last week, I lost my $1500 Diamond and Sapphire ring (I paid $1100 and it was on sale).  I always take it off at my desk, my dresser or at the  kitchen sink where I have  a jewelry holder on the window sill.

Saturday morning when I was getting ready for my date with Mr eHarmony, I noticed it was missing and I started to panic.  This ring is gorgeous, and means so much to me…I bought it for my 30th birthday present last year.  It’s a 2ct tw deep blue oval sapphire, surrounded by two halos of cocoa and white diamonds, on a white gold band.  I love love love my ring and wear it every single day.  But for some reason, it was missing.

I have combed the house looking for it.  I looked everywhere in my room, in the kitchen, at my desk too.  I also dug through the trash, and my vacuum cleaner, swept under the stove and the fridge as best as I can.  The trash was pretty gnarly…imagine digging through moldy ziti from a week ago (with gloves on) looking for a piece of jewelry.  Unfortunately, I have had no luck.

Last night on the phone, Mr eHarmony told me he had to wrestle a pencil from Athena’s mouth while he was over, and said “I sure hope Athena didn’t eat your ring”.  And then I realized what I would have to do….

This afternoon I donned my thick purple rubber gloves, and ventured out into my backyard.

I painstakingly grabbed each and every moist dog turd that was out there and squished it between my gloved fingers.  Dog shit was squishing through my fingers like playdoh does coming out of a playdoh press.

I did not gag, but I sure wanted to.  I think it helped that I was chewing peppermint gum to help alleviate the vile digustingness that is dog shit sliding through your closed fingers.

Unfortunately, I did not find my ring 😦 But, I did find a whole box worth of chewed up crayola crayons, bits and pieces of chalk, cat litter pellets…and the coup de grace….

A yellow lego man head.

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