Dating And The Single (Widowed) Mom

I have so much to write about, but I fear giving away too much on this blog yet as I know my friends and family read it.  Not that I have anything to hide, but some things I’d rather just not share on a public forum, even though I do have a pseudonym on this blog.

I joined eHarmony last month at the insistence of a few girlfriends.  I was initially wary to do so, as I haven’t had much luck with men, but figured I’d just jump in and do it.  I met two men within a week.

Man #1 and I talked for a little while, and on the phone once or twice when he asked me out for the following weekend.  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to meet him this fast, but I figured why not? A free dinner and a movie, why should I turn that down, right? Man #1 said he was 5’11”.  Now, I am 5’9″ and when we met, he was barely taller than me and I was wearing ballet flats! Then he fell asleep and started snoring during the movie.  Verdict? Goodbye.

Now we move onto Man #2.  He shall remain nameless, and we’ll call him Mr eHarmony from now on.  Mr eHarmony and I met three weeks ago, and he refused to talk to me on the phone or give me his phone number.  I found this a bit strange to be honest, but decided I would be ok with it.  We went through the eHarmony guided questions for each other, and then started emailing each other numerous times a day.  Mr eHarmony asked me out for October 7th, but I said no because it was my daughter’s birthday weekend and my mom was going to be here.  I eventually did get his phone number and we texted like mad for about two weeks till yesterday.  But no phone call…and honestly, I was fine with that after a while.  I liked it.  I felt like there was no pressure on me to talk on the phone, and I felt we could get to know each other better via texting and our many emails.

Mr eHarmony and I had our first date yesterday.  It was the best first date of my life.  True story!  Yes, it was a first date, but it didn’t feel too much like a first date because we already really knew each other as we had been talking for three weeks.  He picked me up at 2PM, and we went out and did some photography stuff, then out for dinner, and then to a movie.  He brought me home at midnight.  And again…it was the best first date of my life. Date #2 is happening next saturday, and we have one planned for a photo tour in November as well.

That’s all the information I’m going to give about Mr eHarmony right now…my purpose of this post was to talk about dating and the single mom.  Or should I say dating and the widowed mom?

When you’re dating and you are a widowed mother, the dynamics of everything are so different.  There isn’t a dad that watches the kids every other weekend, it’s just you.  And with that responsibility, comes the fact that you have to be very careful with kids’ emotions. Now, my kids are getting older and they knew I was going on a date as I told them.  I was very open with it, but had to reiterate that it was JUST a date right now.  Nothing else, and we weren’t going to dissect it.  Just a date.  How was I supposed to know that Mr eHarmony would turn out to be so amazing?  Of course, my oldest daughter excitedly said “so I might get a new dad?”…and I immediately had to reiterate….just a date.  Don’t get excited.

It’s hard to explain the intricacies of adult relationships to children.  My view on that is that you just keep it simple.  Mr eHarmony and I just went on a date, and if we happen to like each other, then we’ll see each other again and again and again.  I do worry that the kids, especially her, will read too much into things and get their hopes up.  And because of that, I won’t introduce any man into their lives until I know he is a good man who won’t disappear right away…a man that will eventually be a good husband and father.  And most importantly, expresses to me that he wants to be part of this family.

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