Two Years Ago I Became A Widow

I meant to post this yesterday, but I was too emotionally exhausted from the day, and the weekend.  I really don’t feel like I have much to say to be honest.  I was going to write the story of how my husband died, but I decided that I wasn’t going to share it with the whole world.  I am still writing it down, but it’s for myself and the kids and that is it.   One day they will want to know how their dad died, and I will be able to tell them.  Maybe I’ll get around to publishing my old blog as a book one of these days.

I have found that the build up to the actual day is always worse than the day itself, because yesterday was not a bad day.  I woke up at 6:45 and got the kids off to school, and then my trainer and friend came over and tried to help me exercise.  Unfortunately, my head was in the clouds and I couldn’t concentrate as well as I normally do.  I then went to get pedicures with another really good friend of mine, and also treated myself to a new haircut when I was finished with that.  After lunch, I went to Cosmo Prof (thank goodness for a sister that gave me her cosmo prof card!) and treated myself to some of the new OPI Muppets nail polish.  I’ve been waiting for that for a couple of months now.  And then I went and sat and had tea with Johanna for an hour and a half.  She fed me some yummy food and we just relaxed, it was wonderful.  I really had a good day to be honest…

The kids and I have a tradition of going to dinner at his favorite restaurant on special occasions, and when we got there, we realized the restaurant had gone out of business! After a bit of confusion, we decided to go to Red Robin.  The kids were bummed out, as was I, but I told them…”at least you have that memory of daddy now, and you got to eat there with him many times”.

Red Robin was hilarious actually, we all laughed many many times.  The boy made me laugh first…when I came back from the bathroom, he told me “Mom! They have lots of membloria from the ’50s here”.  I said “Membloria? don’t you mean memorabilia?”.  Then a gentleman at the table next to us announced that he was 39 after the Red Robin staff sang him happy birthday, and my oldest daughter said quite loudly…”WOW, He’s old!!!”…again, more laughing from me.  After that our starter came (I had ordered a tower of onion rings), and the waitress said to all of us, “here are your onion rings”.  The baby proceeded to ask “Do they have onions in them?”…bwahahaha.  And the final comment that made me laugh was my middle daughter saying “I like burnt meat” as she bit into her burger.  I love how the kids say off the wall comments, they crack me up so much.

The evening ended with a lovely conversation with my girlfriend Erin, whom I met at Camp Widow back in August…..and then I hopped onto Facebook before bed, only to see this:

Incredibly difficult day and an impossible two years. You are no doubt thinking of the difficulties and tragic loss you’ve experienced every minute of every day for two years now.
I never met Mr. and Mrs. ****** – just the widowed Joanna *******. So long as I’ve known you – you’ve been a single mother doing something no one else in this world wants to do. And you’re doing it right. So when your mind tr…avels down that path of hardship and loss, do your best to celebrate the truly heroic job you’ve done and will continue to do for the rest of your and your children’s lives. You are an incredible person, mother and wife. Pour your self a glass of wine tonight, toast one to ***** and know he couldn’t have asked for someone better to care for his most valuable assets – his family. Here’s to you Joanna!

This came from one of my closest friends, and this made me cry…you know who you are ❤

The last two years, while tragic, and emotional, and so much like a roller coaster, have also been two of the richest years of my life.  For it wasn’t until after my husband died, that I met all of my close friends.  They have made my life so much richer, and I don’t know what I would do with out all of you.  Thank you so much.  Love you guys!!

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